Hello, second pregnancy

Hello, third trimester! Hello pumpkin-sized pregnant belly! Hello again, belly button (*waves good naturedly*).

This will also serve as a hello again to my blog, which I’ve once more neglected as life moved briskly and I failed to run along beside it recording the details like my own personal paparazzi. And I am sad about that, because I love to be able to look back on the written memories over the years.

And this next, incredibly loved baby definitely deserves her in-utero moment to shine!

So here we are.

Christian and I are having our second baby girl in January, and concurrently, Goldie will be getting a little sister. That has been the hardest thing to wrap our minds around, the fact that our toddler, aged one and a half, will have a little sibling soon. It’s also wild to think that we will be a family of four, and that it won’t just be Christian and I with a miniature + 1.

… It’ll be us with two babies: “a couple of kids.” Two on two!

We are so excited. I have no idea how it’s all going to go down, so to speak, or what having two under two (for a few months) is going to be like, but I do know it’s going to be a brand new kind of chaos; a whole new season of overwhelming love and emotion, and a lot of me forgetting at least one essential item plus perhaps my pants at home when I try to take both kids to the stores.

Things I’ve been ruminating on throughout this pregnancy: how crazy it is that I’ll bring another human into this world that I’ll love and devote myself to in the same way I have my first-born (it’s impossible to conceive – yet I know it will happen, and in fact the amount of love and protectiveness I already feel over my womb passenger this time is astonishing), whether I’ll have ‘forgotten’ how to care for a tiny newborn or if it’ll all come rushing back, the ways in which second-time birth and postpartum might differ from the first, and my worry that this baby will feel a lack of attention compared to what we were able to give Goldie. Oooof.

BUT. I know people have had multiple children since the dawn of time, and that it all somehow falls into place. Or maybe rather, it stitches together like a patchwork quilt — with care and devotion and effort, eventually.

As far as the pregnancy itself goes, this time around, it’s definitely gone quickly. There’s just so much else to do every day besides focus on the minute details of each week in pregnancy, or even the little aches, pains, and milestones. So it’s a lot easier to forget how many weeks pregnant I am, and therefore when I entered my third trimester a few weeks ago (I received a notification from the What to Expect app alerting me) this time around, I was surprised.

But I do know from experience that this is where it all gets… interesting: that now the weeks may tend to drag much slower as everything gets bigger; as moving through each day gets heavier and more cumbersome.

And I won’t pretend it’s easy chasing around a toddler (who’s a whole ball of loud and incessant energy), what with a gait that now more closely resembles a hurried waddle. Goldie also literally already speaks in sentences at 18 months old, and interrogates and harasses (ahhh, I mean, engages me in conversation) throughout the day, and sometimes I feel like Humpty Dumpty both right before and right after his big fall as I precariously tread the wall that is my sanity as a woman with her own individual wants/needs who also has to keep her children (plural!) alive and well.

And yet, I swear I’m mostly just excited and ready to meet this new piece of my heart.

What will she be like? What will she look like?

I can’t wait to see her personality emerge; I CANNOT wait to experience that magical moment of reaching for her and pulling her in close for the first time, feeling that softest-of-soft, pillowy newborn skin against my heart. I can’t wait to watch the look of pure adoration on Christian’s face when he has his first skin on skin time with his brand new daughter. I can’t wait to bring her home and introduce her to her sister; to her new world.

She has a name (we think), though we’ll wait to share it until she’s born in case for whatever reason it doesn’t suit. Also because we tend to like what we like, and that means her name will be unique and once again may not be everyone’s cup of tea. And I like to avoid even a glance of negativity while I’m pregnant, because let us just be honest: I’m very hormonally sensitive when pregnant. I’m hoping she’ll be born a wee bit early (I know I’m not supposed to say that, but — hmmmmph) so that her birthday is as close as possible to Christian’s late December birthday, just like Goldie’s is only 4 days away from mine!

I can’t wait for the many new adventures this next year will bring, as it will look a lot different than our last 5 (for many more reasons than just a new family addition) as Christian transitions out of the army. More on that life change later!

As our family multiplies, I can’t wait to continue to growin all the special ways motherhood requires you to bloom. It is the most magical (and the most messy).

We are so, so anxious to meet you, little one.

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