Hi, hey, hello – remember me?
Me, who said I’d be better at blogging for the remainder of my pregnancy?
(Peeks at reader with guilty eyes through the gaps of fingers partially shielding my face from view).
Yeah, hi. My bad.
For whatever reason, I seem to love to sabotage my own writing goals. I’ve never seen a therapist but it might have something to do with a strange cognitive dissonance that buzzes behind my eyes, blurring clear understanding as to whether what I have to say on any particular occasion is important/relevant or complete crap that most wouldn’t care to read. That extra step of typing out, and subsequently – especially – pressing “Publish,” on a piece of writing takes just enough additional time that it’s somehow easier to turn right back around and avoid the risk of finding out.
And yet, here I am once again, missing the creative release and pleasure that comes with sharing my experiences with readers, many or few, near or far; with another update that the world may or may not care to hear.
Life has breezed by recently in what’s felt like a dizzy daydream: colorful, full of activity and noise, and a blur of so many events and moments that I could almost be convinced it really has been all a vivid mirage.
Somehow, I am 32 weeks pregnant.
Oh my goodness.
And can I just say, it is so funny the things people will say to you and about you when you are pregnant. I know this is not an original thought: I remember growing up and hearing anecdotes from pregnant women, and learning through scenes played out in movies, that women’s bodies, choices during pregnancy, and potential future parenting decisions come under dissection once it’s clear that she’s carrying a child.
It’s been funny to hear people guess harmless but entertaining things, like how far along I might be, or what the sex of our baby is based on the way I’m carrying (really high, oddly, even though my baby is already sitting head down, very low). I still have 8 weeks until I’m a full 40 weeks pregnant, and the other night a man asked me if I was due soon, to which I replied, “Yes!” Thinking about the almost-7 months that have already passed in my pregnancy. And he prodded a bit further, widening his eyes with emphasis – – “Like, today?!”
Face, meet palm.
Never guess whether a woman is full term, folks. It can’t be undone, or unfelt.
It has even been weird hearing from some kind souls that I’m having a “belly only” pregnancy. Not weird in a bad way at all! In fact, it’s actually such a kindness to bestow upon a pregnant woman to tell her that she looks lovely, and that she’s somehow retained some resemblance to her former self, in my opinion.
But – and this is why it’s weird – I have felt pregnant (and large with child) for so long; all the way down to my pinky toes. Everything looks and feels and is different to me. Not bad different, just different different. However, it’s also strange that sometimes my pregnancy doesn’t even feel real, or like it’s truly happening to me – hence my comparison of the past few months to a long dream.
I am now in my third trimester, and I’ve shifted into ruminating on what postpartum will be like: all the things I’ll need for the first few weeks, months, and even years of my baby’s life; how I will feel; how my world will feel once she is well and truly in it. I think I’m realizing that while it feels great to get prepared: putting together our shared bedroom/nursery, the stroller, and receiving gifts from baby showers and binge-shopping on Amazon for little necessities, it’s good to not look too many tomorrows ahead.. Because there are things to enjoy today. And today is fleeting.
And worry — worry is only good for creating stress wrinkles where laugh lines should leave their mark instead.
Although the onslaught of pelvic girdle pain and Braxton Hicks contractions have started to put my zen to the test, not going to lie.
My husband has been especially great these past few weeks when I’ve started to feel a bit more uncomfortable and less game for doing certain (or on some days, any) activities. He has taken on the role of hospital-bag checklist maker, and constantly says how ready and excited he is to meet our little girl. I do tend to wonder if he really understands just how crazy and sleepless our life is about to be, but his positive outlook is keeping me sane and so, so happy, so I don’t want to question it too much.
He also did diaper a coconut he found on the beach over the weekend, so I think perhaps he actually is set. 🙂
Pretty soon Christian and I will be doing a maternity shoot with my talented photographer (and one of my best friends) Brittany, who has already helped us capture many glowing memories throughout this pregnancy. I’m so excited for that, and I will certainly share those photos here. (One thing I have not neglected during these many months are bump photos – they have been in never-ending supply as evidenced on my Instagram.)
So, until then, dear reader.