I can’t believe I am already halfway through my pregnancy!
That fact is crazy to me, because it means our baby girl will be here before we know it, and it means that in just the same amount of months that I’ve been pregnant (feels like a blink) our entire lives will change.
I had really hoped (and thought) I’d do better documenting every little moment of this pregnancy. After all, 9 months seemed like such a long time 5 months ago!!! I have posted an obscene amount of bump-related photos on Instagram, but I haven’t sat down and recorded and then published my thoughts and my pregnancy on my blog as much as I wish. But as I’m sitting here writing this; enjoying a second indulgent cup of tea and contemplating how I can already be tired at 5 p.m., it feels like a good time to document some fresh, new pregnancy thoughts. Before another month sneaks past me! (You heard it here first: I will do better during this second half of pregnancy about sharing my experience.) So here we go:
I am still scared. Of everything! Worries race through my mind during the pre-dawn hours of each day: Will I be able to take care of this tiny little human, and somehow manage to keep her healthy, happy, safe? There is so much unknown that Christian and I are up against – we don’t know how to be parents, how we’ll feel the first time we introduce our baby to guests, what all we need for the nursery (LOL I mean the other side of our bedroom), or where in the world the three of us will be, geographically or otherwise, at this time next year. It’s A LOT.
And yet, some little whisper inside of me has told me that it will all me more intuitive than I’m imagining. So whether that voice is utterly crazy or some inner, deeply known truth, that’s what has been reassuring me when I feel overwhelmed.
I am so excited to see Christian become a dad, and especially a dad to a baby girl. We found out we were having a girl at 12 weeks with the SneakPeek DNA test, and then recently had our result ‘confirmed’ by ultrasound at my 20-week anatomy scan.
There’s no one in the world I would trust more with a baby girl’s heart than Christian, and I know he will teach her to be strong and confident, and that she will always feel precious and loved in his arms. I can only hope she will love me as much as she’s bound to love him.
I also just have to say how incredibly surprised and lucky I’ve felt during this pregnancy, which started out as a bit of a shock (I’ve had some people ask via private messages and no – we weren’t really planning for this), to be having such a relatively smooth experience. Baby so far has been perfectly healthy at each ultrasound (and I’ve gotten to have quite a few of those because I’m a rare blood type where they need to check her out more often; I also get my blood drawn every month because of this), and I have honestly felt great. Shockingly, guiltily great. I actually enjoy pregnancy, and that is something I never would have expected. Not to continuously be a sap, but I have to give due credit to my husband for that — he has made me feel so special and beautiful during this time that I will probably miss and crave the extra attention once I’m no longer pregnant.
My bump is really starting to get big, which makes my body feel totally different, balance-wise and proportionally (I mean obviously, but it’s just weird to experience!).
It’s really nice to be expecting while living in Hawaii, where I can just let it all hang out instead of having to find clothes every day that A.) fit properly and B). still manage to look decent.
We do have a favorite name picked out right now that we refer to our baby girl as while she’s in the womb, but who knows, it could change once we meet her for the first time! Heads up on this: the names I pick for my children were always destined to be a little different; surely not everyone’s cup of tea. I am more than okay with this, and in fact would not have it any other way. Kim and Kanye, if you’re reading this, you inspire me.
Living so far from family makes a lot about pregnancy hard and logistically challenging, I think. It’s a long way to travel for holidays (especially if a flight happens to fall on a day when pregnancy might be making me particularly uncomfortable), our family might feel less involved than they would want to be during these special 9 months, and planning visits to Hawaii for the birth and after is pretty overwhelming! But that’s just the way it goes when you get to live briefly on a beautiful island, and also it’s the nature of being with the military. I’m just so lucky that Christian has been around this year as much as he has.
I have this feeling that our baby girl is going to be a lot like her dad, which would mean I’m in for a wild ride. We are so excited to see what she looks like! We still catch ourselves thinking and saying: “This is really happening… we are really having a baby.”
Something sort of fell into place in my heart the other day, though, when I saw my belly tremble with a visible kick for the first time. It is nothing less than perfect design, in my opinion, that pregnancy lasts 9 months – a little less than a year to grow into (the idea of) parenthood, to prepare for this new life; your new life. Although I will say, it’s a long time to go without wine. 😉
We’re really looking forward to celebrating baby showers with family while we are home for Christmas. I’m hoping that getting a few nursery items checked off my list will help me feel less anxious about the overwhelming to-do list that stays pinned to the forefront of my subconscious mind.
Plus, who doesn’t love a party? I’ll eat cake and my worries. 🙂